Daily Cup of Projection
Today, there seems to be a lot of people around me, asking the questions.
They are the questions that at some point in your life you must ask, if you are
on the path. The answers to these questions, are in the mirror, and have just
been waiting for you.
I have been divorced nearly nine years now. I thought for sure, I would find
my next prince, and I would finish living the rest of my life with him in wedded
bliss. Well I guess Prince Charming fell off his horse on the way to my house,
because that has not happened. There have been some loves, some I even thought
I would spend my life with, but that did not come to pass.
The one thing I have learned in my time alone, is how when there is another
person around, it sure is easy to toss you unresolved issues all over them, and
then somehow make it look like their fault. I am now developing the very
things that used to make me crazy with my ex-s. When you are the only one that
uses the walk in closet, the “who’s side is cleaner” game, ceases to be fun.
Now both sides are mine, and they are a mess. I used to go nuts when my ex
carelessly left his ATM slips around the car and house, while I proudly kept
track of mine, and would methodically check them off in my check book. I barely
even take them from the ATM machine now. I have a slight intention to deduct
them, but I don’t. There is no longer someone to be better than now, only me,
doing what I do, exactly the way I want to. Now, I see projection in the way I
relate to my kids. I will often go into my son’s room and scold him for his
lack of organization, then go into mine and see that I have not unpacked my
suitcase since last summer, and there are books all over my floor, and clothes
hanging all over my inversion table, that I never use. Not once, have either of
my children ever come into my room and told me it was a pig sty. So, I am
trying to be mindful of not expecting from them, or anyone, that which I do not
do myself.
If I feel like my kids are being lazy, I will go for a walk. If I feel like
someone is not treating me properly, I will treat myself with respect by
speaking my truth. I am a sensitive woman, and it has been used against me my
whole life. Sensitivity is good right? I have come to learn, that I can only
feel hurt about something, if I hold that belief within me somewhere. I believe
the more I rid myself of things that pinch me emotionally, the less I will need
to use anyone else to relieve my own pain. When the pain is too much for us to
accept and process, we often throw it to the ones we love the most, like a hot
potato that lands in the innocent hands of the people closest to us. When I do
this to my kids, they know enough to say, “Mom, don’t project your stuff onto
us.” I have taught them well, and although I am far from not doing this from
time to time, we are all at least on the same playing field here in my home.
If I ever do marry again, I will bite my tongue about the many things that
used to drive me crazy. It seems I used those experiences as some kind
measuring stick to make myself feel bigger and better. Anytime we are are
feeling superior or inferior, we are in some kind of fear. I will still always
believe that I make coffee the best way, but even that, I will just have let go
of, and shut up and watch. And if I am lucky, perhaps he will bring me a cup in
the morning, along with a kiss, while I am getting ready in my half of the
bathroom, that will no longer be perfect. Sometimes I do not even put the lid
back on the toothpaste, because hey, I just don’t have to anymore.
Today, there seems to be a lot of people around me, asking the questions.
They are the questions that at some point in your life you must ask, if you are
on the path. The answers to these questions, are in the mirror, and have just
been waiting for you.
I have been divorced nearly nine years now. I thought for sure, I would find
my next prince, and I would finish living the rest of my life with him in wedded
bliss. Well I guess Prince Charming fell off his horse on the way to my house,
because that has not happened. There have been some loves, some I even thought
I would spend my life with, but that did not come to pass.
The one thing I have learned in my time alone, is how when there is another
person around, it sure is easy to toss you unresolved issues all over them, and
then somehow make it look like their fault. I am now developing the very
things that used to make me crazy with my ex-s. When you are the only one that
uses the walk in closet, the “who’s side is cleaner” game, ceases to be fun.
Now both sides are mine, and they are a mess. I used to go nuts when my ex
carelessly left his ATM slips around the car and house, while I proudly kept
track of mine, and would methodically check them off in my check book. I barely
even take them from the ATM machine now. I have a slight intention to deduct
them, but I don’t. There is no longer someone to be better than now, only me,
doing what I do, exactly the way I want to. Now, I see projection in the way I
relate to my kids. I will often go into my son’s room and scold him for his
lack of organization, then go into mine and see that I have not unpacked my
suitcase since last summer, and there are books all over my floor, and clothes
hanging all over my inversion table, that I never use. Not once, have either of
my children ever come into my room and told me it was a pig sty. So, I am
trying to be mindful of not expecting from them, or anyone, that which I do not
do myself.
If I feel like my kids are being lazy, I will go for a walk. If I feel like
someone is not treating me properly, I will treat myself with respect by
speaking my truth. I am a sensitive woman, and it has been used against me my
whole life. Sensitivity is good right? I have come to learn, that I can only
feel hurt about something, if I hold that belief within me somewhere. I believe
the more I rid myself of things that pinch me emotionally, the less I will need
to use anyone else to relieve my own pain. When the pain is too much for us to
accept and process, we often throw it to the ones we love the most, like a hot
potato that lands in the innocent hands of the people closest to us. When I do
this to my kids, they know enough to say, “Mom, don’t project your stuff onto
us.” I have taught them well, and although I am far from not doing this from
time to time, we are all at least on the same playing field here in my home.
If I ever do marry again, I will bite my tongue about the many things that
used to drive me crazy. It seems I used those experiences as some kind
measuring stick to make myself feel bigger and better. Anytime we are are
feeling superior or inferior, we are in some kind of fear. I will still always
believe that I make coffee the best way, but even that, I will just have let go
of, and shut up and watch. And if I am lucky, perhaps he will bring me a cup in
the morning, along with a kiss, while I am getting ready in my half of the
bathroom, that will no longer be perfect. Sometimes I do not even put the lid
back on the toothpaste, because hey, I just don’t have to anymore.
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