Daily Cup of Moths


Animals come to me in groups at different times in my life, for different lessons.  This
summer is all about moths.  Sadly, I seem to have some kind of life cycle,
science project happening in my house right now.  I am invaded my these small,
gray moths, that I suspect came in through the pantry.  They just seem to
appear, and I find them floating in the dog water, where I promptly scoop them
out and put them outside to dry off.  I am doomed, because I cannot kill them,
so I am either a Buddhist or a neurotic.  I would rather they go somewhere else,
but I cannot just wipe them out of my home.  I did this dance for years with
sugar ants, and people would exclaim, “You have ants,” with a bit of fear in
their voice, and I would respond, “Yes, we do, please be careful not to step on
them.”  They have finally moved on, and for that I am most
grateful.

Yesterday when I went out into the garage, I heard this sound, that resembled a
rattlesnake.  I was hoping I would not have to negotiate that kind of encounter
before my first cup of coffee.  Upon further investigation, I realized it was a
huge moth that was stuck inside the light fixture.  I drug the ladder out, and
looked over the top, clearly seeing if it got in it could get out.   However,
the moth seemed to have missed this information, and just continued to
frantically beat its wings against the plastic, making a noise similar to the
one I remember as a kid when we would put cards in our bike spokes to make our
ride sound cool.  I guess it was like our first muffler? 

Well, I can not just walk away from this moth and let him get burned from the light
when I opened the garage door, or let him just flutter himself to death, so I
retrieved a ladder and a Phillips head screwdriver, and went to work freeing
this creature.  I felt like the rescue workers that rescued baby Jessica from
that well years ago.  I told him to just hang on a bit longer as my aging eyes
adjusted to the small slits on the screws, finally making contact with them, and
removing the cover, as the cover fell to the    floor, along with the moth. I
thought now I had surely killed him in an attempt to save him.  I stooped down
to pick this mammoth of a moth up and saw his wings were all tattered and nearly
translucent.  My heart sank, as I questioned what kind of a life he would
now have?  I cursed myself, thinking I had added to his suffering by freeing him,
and had interfered with  his life and karma.  I heard my parents’ voices telling
me, “Kat, you can’t save the world.”  I wondered why I could not just walk by
and let the moth be?   Why couldn’t I just tough love this guy? Is something
wrong with me, or right with me?  I understand that suffering is a part of life,
and this very moment living things all over the plane are suffering.  I hold
space for all of them and send out a vision of well being
everyday.

 I walked around to my front garden and thought I would just put him near the
honeysuckle vine.   I gently place him down, and to my amazement, he flew back
to my shoulder.  We repeated this three more times, and I began to have hope for
this little guy. Was he flying back to me because I looked like a light with my
red hair, or just because I was close, or because he felt safe?  Well, I will
never know the answer to that, but the fourth time I put him back, he flew again
with more speed and strength, and bypassed me, opting for the blue of the sky
instead.  I was amazed and so relieved as I really thought he was grounded, by
the way his wings looked.  If he had been a person with a serious medical
condition, a doctor might have told him he would never fly again or he was
fatal.  I am glad he did not know this, and despite all odds, took flight like a
champion.  That magic fairy dust that is on their wings is so powerful, and so
fragile, all at the same time.  We all have some of that on us, and sometimes it
gets worn off, and we get beat up, and some of us listen to others about what we
can and cannot do.  I for one, will always remember that moth, as he flew away
on a crisp, fall morning.  I know for me, I had done the right thing, and
thought, no I cannot save the world, just the things in front of
me.