Healing, Self Esteem and Finding Your Voice

February 7, 2014

It is called SELF esteem for a reason, because it is ultimately our job to discover our own worth. It is an inside job, and there is nothing you can buy, nor anyone you can bring into your life, that can ever heal your lack. I grew up a freckled faced, red head and was teased relentlessly. This was well before the “Gingers having no soul” days, but it was still painful. When I would return home from school, a place that should have been my shelter, it was self preservation time all over again from verbal abuse from my mother, and care taking an alcoholic father. I made it my job to care for all of them. I missed those building blocks that help young women navigate the world with a sense of confidence. I soon became co dependent, attempting to find my self worth through others. At the age of 29 my life changed, and I stopped my unhealthy patterns and lifestyle, and decided to go to Hollywood and pursue my dream of becoming a comedienne and actress. It was a vision I had when I was 12 years old, and I knew I would go one day. I had many people tell me I was crazy, and I should just keep my day job. My father was so worried, telling me I would never make a living in the arts. I packed my car and with $300 in my pocket headed south. The pain of staying and letting my dream slip by, was not going to be one of my "shoulda-coulda-woulda" regrets at the end of my life. I still had much work to do to feel worthy of success on this journey, and that work continues on a daily basis.  I learned how to become my own parent, and find the tools to heal the broken parts of me. I learned that there was no one else like me, and never would be, so I should learn to celebrate that. I found that making people laugh was a way to bring joy and healing to others, as well as myself. That was 27 years ago, and I have not looked back. I have been a single mother for the last 14 years, while being fortunate to still do what I am passionate about. I love to share with others about how I really began to love and accept myself for the first time in my life. There is no class in school on how to have self esteem, and there is not one of us that has not suffered with our esteem at some point. I love to make light of the nonsense we participate in trying to paste self esteem on from the outside in. I enjoy pulling the covers off of what women participate in while trying to keep it all a secret. There is relief when you listen to another woman share things you thought only you did or experienced. Magic happens when we take time to reconnect with ourselves on a deep level, and really discover our uniqueness. When we focus on the light in our eyes, rather than our flaws, only then can we fall in love with ourselves and know what true self esteem feels like. That spark is your light, you cannot buy it, borrow it or botox it. You came in with it, and you will leave with it. When you really SEE it, you will know it.

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